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The Power of Just

Hot Air Balloon
Hot Air Balloon

Image: goldsaint / www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

I’M JUST DOING IT…!

If you have kids, you’ll almost certainly have heard them using the word ‘just’ in the above context – meaning, of course, ‘I’m about to do what you asked me to do <insert your own time period> minutes / hours ago.’

The word ‘just’ is so often used as an excuse – an almost throw-away word that we hope lets us off the hook – that gets us out of a scrape.

But, at the other extreme, it can be incredibly powerful.

 

THE POWER OF JUST

A well-known sportswear manufacturer use the words ‘Just Do It’ along with an affirmational logo that reinforces the motto.

We all know what we need or want to do. But we all also know how not to do it – how to put off doing the do-able.

Why?

What is the enemy of ‘DOING’?

Is it fear? Procrastination? Disbelief? Lack of confidence?

My mind often overflows with ideas of what I want to do and even how to do it – what it looks like. But there is an enemy and its name is ‘fear’. Fear can be paralysing. It invents scenarios that don’t exist in the present and which may never exist in the future. It clouds our vision and limits our perspective. It dents our confidence and squeezes our self-belief.

What if I could just brush aside fear and just do something? What if I just took the first step? What if I just did what I thought I couldn’t do…? What if I just…?

I really believe in ‘the Power of Just’.

Just do it.

And, yes, you will make mistakes – and learn valuable lessons from them. But you will also be wiser – and happier. Because you tried. Because you stepped out. Because you stepped forward.

The following anonymous truism carries a great deal of weight:

Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.

 

NOTHING TO LOSE

What could possibly go wrong? Everything!

What is there to lose? Often – nothing!

If your life is only measured by material value, then you could potentially lose everything – but if what you value cannot be seen and is difficult to measure, then it will be very difficult to lose and is worth risking everything for.

So – what are you waiting for? Decide what you want or need to do and take the first step.

Just do it.

Now.

 

 

 

And then, when you’ve started out and scared yourself silly doing it, do it again and JUST KEEP GOING.

 

A friend of mine, Nicola Marshall, espouses the idea of ‘one word’ goals: building your intentions around a single word that encompasses your objectives.

Read her post here: http://www.bravehearteducation.co.uk/looking-forward-to-2015/

What’s Your Desert Island?

Desert Island
Desert Island

Image: www.blirk.net

You’re no doubt familiar with the whole ‘desert island’ concept. Some people love the idea of being alone on a desert island – others find the idea abhorrent.

When were you last really ‘alone’? No person to keep you company. No technology to keep you company. No pets. No connections.

That’s a pretty difficult place to find in the 21st century!

Now consider the deeper and more emotive concept of loneliness: when did you last feel lonely? Last month? Last week? Yesterday? Today…?

According to a BBC Poll, conducted in 2013, almost half of all adults in England say they experience feelings of loneliness – and London, a densely-populated city of 8 million people is said to be the loneliest place in the country. More worryingly, one in five people say they are more lonely now than they were 10 years ago.

According to Age UK, around one million older people regularly go an entire month without speaking to anyone.

In October of 2013, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt, described it as a “national shame” that as many as 800,000 people in England are “chronically lonely”.

Esther Rantzen is quoted in a Telegraph article in early 2014 as saying that children were now also facing an “epidemic of loneliness”.

Opting for a desert island existence is one thing; having no choice is quite another.

In my experience as a teacher and head teacher, I came across many lonely children. However, what troubles me more than the fact that we have lonely children in our schools is that many of them remain lonely. We either do not recognise their loneliness or we do not have the wherewithal to deal with it.

Lonely children are not necessarily poorly behaved; often, they are the quiet ones that sit under the radar, not causing a problem. The ones we are inclined to give our attention to are the ones clamouring for attention – causing a nuisance, making others feel small, disturbing normality. But, hey, aren’t they lonely, too?

Do we have a system for recognising and assisting lonely children in our schools? And not just children? Adults who work within the school and parents who bring their children to our school?

However, so many people would rather choose to sit on their ‘desert island’ than admit to being lonely. Have we made loneliness a stigma – even given the national statistics quoted above? Are we enforcing a desert island existence on to our lonely citizens because we perceive bigger problems under our noses?

Perhaps we need to start mapping our lonely people and creating spaces for them to develop the confidence to a) admit their loneliness and b) form relationships that bring them out of loneliness.

Consider the lonely children in your setting. What little thing can you do – what gesture can you make – to show the child that he or she is noticed – that his or her loneliness is recognised?

And, next time you find yourself feeling that you’re on a desert island that is not of your own choice, don’t blame yourself: find a soulmate to confide in and talk to them about it.

Don’t become a national statistic.

The Behaviour Iceberg (ignore at your peril)

Smileys
Smileys

Smileys / via clker.com

JUST MANAGING IS NEVER ENOUGH

Having composed a previous post which focused on leadership, I mused on my classroom experiences with children exhibiting emotional and behavioural difficulties (sometimes abbreviated to EBD).

Typically, a child may exhibit irrational or anti-social behaviour in a classroom which is, it has to be said, sometimes intolerable. There will invariably be systems to manage such behaviour but managing it is never enough.

Dealing with what we observe at face value is rarely enough. The real problem is that what we see or hear is often not nearly as devastating as what lies beneath – like the proverbial iceberg, the problems beneath the surface are often massive compared to what we see on the surface.

 

LIFE-CHALLENGING

As a deputy head at an inner city school some time ago, I was called in to the Year 6 classroom to ‘deal with’ a non-complaint child who was disrupting the lesson. I managed to coax the child out of the classroom and sit him down in the corridor. He was clearly in an emotional state but, once he’d calmed down, he explained to me that his dad’s girlfriend had walked out that morning.

You know how sometimes you realize that what you thought was a problem for you is actually a far greater problem for someone else? Well, here was just such a case but that someone else was a child. Not someone with the emotional resilience to cope with a major life-changing – and life-challenging – event, and a traumatic one at that.

 

COMPASSION

How can we expect to deal with a problem when we look only at what is visible on the surface? I learnt pretty soon as a teacher that helping children who manifested emotional and behavioural difficulties required a lot more understanding, patience – and compassion. That’s not to say I excused or made allowances for the behaviour; I just looked beyond the behaviour to the person and to what they must be going through to behave in such a way. No one in their right mind chooses to get themselves into trouble – but we’re not dealing with children in their right mind in cases such as this.

 

FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE OR FLOCK

Those familiar with brain theory will know that the primitive ‘survival’ brain can effectively shut down the ‘thinking brain’ so that the person experiencing emotional trauma is incapable of rational (thinking) thought. It’s the classic ‘fight, flight, freeze or flock’ response: a child in the midst of an emotional trauma will either:

– fight it  (hence the disruptive behaviour)

– fly from it (which could manifest in withdrawal, evasion, refusal to participate or literally running off)

– simply freeze (effectively no response) OR

– flock (which may or may not be helpful, depending on whom they ‘flock’ with).

For a ‘child-friendly’ exploration of this, browse the The Brainworks Project website, which I’ve found very useful.

In any case, those of us who have a ‘duty of care’ for children need to look way deeper than the surface to make sense of – and effectively manage – the behaviours we invariably come across.

 

IT’S (NEARLY) AS SIMPLE AS ABC

For me, I have learnt the ABC of managing behaviour:

First, I must exercise ACCEPTANCE of children for who they are.

I often walk into classrooms of children I have never met before. I make absolutely no assumptions about their behaviour based on the school’s locality, ethnic mix of its pupils or their social background – I couldn’t possibly. They’re children. Demonstrating acceptance is, for me, the first ans most important step in establishing a relationship with them as quickly with them as possible.

Secondly, I must exercise BELIEF in the children.

I have to work fast on this: I quickly find something to hook in to something positive that any child manifests – be it manners, quick thinking, consideration for others or just ‘getting it’. I verbally recognise  and reward such ‘behaviour’, which sets the standard of  expectation for other children but which also helps the children to see that I believe in them. I have to keep doing this throughout my time with the children – constantly demonstrating belief, even and especially when a child demonstrates non-compliant behaviour: as soon as I have dealt with the behaviour, I find something about the child to believe in – recognition of something positive to detract from the negative and which provides an alternative route for them.

Thirdly, I need to exercise CONFIDENCE in the children.

As soon as I can find something I can tell the children I am confident they can do, I do so. It starts with showing their best but it can be as simple as good listening, speaking up, talking in pairs or working on a task independently. I have to demonstrate confidence by telling them I know they can do it.

Know how that feels when someone does that to (or for) you…?

Fourthly, I have to exercise DISCIPLINE.

This is about setting and maintaining expectations. Right from the start, I make my expectations clear but I need to maintain consistency throughout the lesson so that the children feel secure about boundaries and consequences. If a child crosses a boundary, they know they will be disciplined. We all need that.

Fifthly, I absolutely must exercise EMPATHY.

Pretty much the rest is ineffective if I cannot meet the children where they are: understand their feelings, understand how I make them feel and manage the process. This is especially important when managing a non-compliant child. I have got over shouting for the most part – it rarely works. Reasoning, explaining and empathising is far more effective.

 

For the most part, I have found this to work but I would be delighted to hear from anyone else about what ‘works’ with them: please, by all and any means, leave a comment.

But by no means ignore the underlying causes of worrying behaviour – you do so at your peril…